Ten Things To Do When Lockdown Ends
Are you ready to enjoy freedom?
Well, tomorrow is the day. The day when NSW Premier Dom Perrottet throws open the gates and kills us all. But freedom isn’t just about coughing on each other and smearing mucus on conveyor belts: the end of lockdown means an opportunity to enjoy ourselves again! Here are ten fun activities that YOU can do to make the most of the relaxed restrictions:
Fight with your family. With ten visitors allowed in your home, you will from Monday be free to have your relatives come round, and to hit them. It’s been months since we’ve been allowed to punch our nieces and nephews, but there’s light at the end of that tunnel!
Stand in the corner of a pet shop staring at the girl behind the counter. With shops opening up - subject to capacity restrictions - you will finally be able to go back to the pet shop and just stand for hours, gazing at that girl you just can’t get up the courage to talk to. It’s been a while, right?
Eat an eel. Under the new rules to come into force on Monday, there is literally nothing preventing you from eating an eel.
Join the army. Freedom is great, but did you know that by signing up to the Australian Defence Force, you’ll be helping guarantee freedom for the whole world, and future generations? You’ll also learn useful skills you can use in your day-to-day life, and make friendships that will last a lifetime! Once lockdown is lifted, a career in the ADF is entirely open to you!
Throw things. Lockdown has put a real dampener on our ability to throw things, but that’s all about to end!
Dance nude in a Subway. With over 70% of the state’s population now fully vaccinated, the risks of naked dancing in Subways are vastly reduced. It’s almost certain you won’t be hospitalised if you give the sandwich artists a lunchtime treat.
Self-immolation. A real no-no under lockdown: a real yes-yes once Freedom Day rolls around. Have you been unable to full express your passion for a pet cause during the pandemic? Well, now NSW is open for business, you are officially free to go to any public space in the state and set yourself alight. Stick it to the man!
Write a new Transformers movie. You know that great idea for a Transformers movie that would totally turn the franchise around? The one you’ve been sitting on and procrastinating over for years? Hey, lockdown’s over, man, no more excuses! Get that idea down on paper and let’s make it happen!
Have a nervous breakdown in a swimming pool. With summer on the way, it’s a HUGE relief that swimming pools are opening up again. There’s nothing better on a hot day than a refreshing dip in your local pool. And now that you’re allowed back in the water, you’ll have a cool, relaxing place to be utterly overwhelmed by the horrors of existence again!
Urinate. It’ll sure be a relief to be allowed to do THAT again!