The Better Oscars
What should've won Best Picture in every year
(A note before we begin: I have not seen every Best Picture winner. There are many movies I have not seen. There are probably some years where I haven’t seen any of the movies that were released. This list is created out of near-pure ignorance. It is amazing, therefore, how accurate it is)
1927/28
Actual winner: Wings
Should’ve won: The Lodger
Wings is a movie about pilots and nothing to do with the sitcom. I don’t think. I know there’s one shot in it where the camera zooms in through a cafe, which is very clever. But The Lodger was made by Alfred Hitchcock, so I bet it was better.
1928/29
Actual winner: Broadway Melody
Should’ve won: The Man Who Laughs
Broadway Melody was the first MGM musical and the first sound movie to win Best Picture. I’m sure it’s lovely, but I’m also sure it’s kind of stupid. The Man Who Laughs, though: look how creepy that dude’s smile is! Looks awesome.
1929/30
Actual winner: All Quiet On The Western Front
Should’ve won: All Quiet On The Western Front
Boringly, the Academy was right this year.
1930/31
Actual winner: Cimarron
Should’ve won: Dracula
Who the fuck even knows what “Cimarron” is? Nobody cares about Cimarron. People still like Dracula with Bela Lugosi to this day, even with the terrible plastic bats and the weird appearance of an armadillo.
1931/32
Actual winner: Grand Hotel
Should’ve won: Frankenstein
See above. Grand Hotel is a classic, Greta Garbo and John Barrymore etc. But Frankenstein is Frankenstein. Boris Karloff, you know? Obviously.
1932/33
Actual winner: Cavalcade
Should’ve won: Duck Soup
Proto-Downton Abbey has nothing on one of the greatest comedies of all time. The Marx Brothers should’ve won a whole stack of Oscars, starting here.
1934
Actual winner: It Happened One Night
Should’ve won: It Happened One Night
I have seen this, and yes it is good. So fine.
1935
Actual winner: Mutiny on the Bounty
Should’ve won: A Night at the Opera
Oh sure, Charles Laughton and Clark Gable, I accept that. But as in 1933, the Marx Brothers are better. I will die on this hill.
1936
Actual winner: The Great Ziegfeld
Should’ve won: Modern Times
There’s definitely an argument for Reefer Madness here, but I think Modern Times is a movie whose impact has stood the test of time, and it’s right that Charlie Chaplin score at least one. It wasn’t much of a year for film, to be honest.
1937
Actual winner: The Life of Emil Zola
Should’ve won: The Awful Truth
A better year, this - Stage Door, Captains Courageous, A Day at the Races: all better than boring old Emil Zola. The Awful Truth takes it out though: screwball comedy never got its due from the Academy.
1938
Actual winner: You Can’t Take It With You
Should’ve won: The Adventures of Robin Hood
Robin Hood was nominated, but they went against it. Because they were idiots. OBVIOUSLY it’s Robin Hood. OBVIOUSLY.
1939
Actual winner: Gone With The Wind
Should’ve won: The Wizard of Oz
This was an amazing year. Those two, plus Goodbye Mr Chips, Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Stagecoach, Wuthering Heights, Ninotchka…it goes on and on. But even though GWTW is an incredible film, The Wizard of Oz is even better.
1940
Actual winner: Rebecca
Should’ve won: Rebecca
Could’ve gone with Pinocchio, Fantasia, The Philadelphia Story or His Girl Friday, but fair enough, Rebecca gets it done.
1941
Actual winner: How Green Was My Valley
Should’ve won: Citizen Kane
Well, DUH.
1942
Actual winner: Mrs Miniver
Should’ve won: To Be Or Not To Be
I haven’t seen Mrs Miniver but it sounds incredibly dull. To Be Or Not To Be is a great comedy, making fun of Nazis right in the middle of the war.
1943
Actual winner: Casablanca
Should’ve won: Casablanca
This is pretty undeniable, although it was initially released in 1942 so I don’t understand why it didn’t win the year before. I guess Hollywood just hates logic.
1944
Actual winner: Going My Way
Should’ve won: Gaslight
The enduring appeal of Gaslight is illustrated by the fact that nobody tells someone “stop going my way!” when they’re being lied to.
1945
Actual winner: The Lost Weekend
Should’ve won: The Lost Weekend
Not a vintage year for film as everyone was too busy celebrating the end of the war, kissing sailors and so forth. Son of Lassie must’ve come close, starring Peter Lawford in the title role, or Rockin’ in the Rockies with the Three Stooges. The Lost Weekend, though, is hard-hitting and harrowing and all that depressing shit that wins Oscars.
1946
Actual winner: The Best Years of Our Lives
Should’ve won: The Best Years of Our Lives
See above re: depressing shit. Also, it would be far too predictable to say It’s A Wonderful Life
1947
Actual winner: Gentleman’s Agreement
Should’ve won: Brighton Rock
What the hell is Gentleman’s Agreement? Nobody knows. Nobody has ever seen a movie from 1947. Whatever.
1948
Actual winner: Hamlet
Should’ve won: The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Hamlet is a classic study of human frailty, but so is Sierra Madre, and the latter has Humphrey Bogart.
1949
Actual winner: All the King’s Men
Should’ve won: Little Women
All the King’s Men is very acclaimed, but Little Women was on a VHS tape I watched a hundred times as a kid so I’m pretty sure it’s better.
1950
Actual winner: All About Eve
Should’ve won: Rashomon
I picked Rashomon to show how cultured I am. Or maybe it was Sunset Boulevard. But that doesn’t do me any good.
1951
Actual winner: An American in Paris
Should’ve won: The African Queen
The African Queen wasn’t even nominated, which is stupid. But you know, I’d almost have let An American in Paris slide if it weren’t for the bit where Gene Kelly dances with Jerry the Mouse. I know it was quite an impressive technical feat for the time, but it’s dumb as fuck.
1952
Actual winner: The Greatest Show on Earth
Should’ve won: Singin’ in the Rain
Nobody thinks The Greatest Show on Earth should’ve won. Possibly it won because of communists or something, but nobody thinks it should’ve. Loads of movies this year were better, but it just so happens that one of them was one of the greatest of all time - and again, not even nominated!
1953
Actual winner: From Here to Eternity
Should’ve won: Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday
From Here to Eternity is pretty good, but I invoke the Rashomon clause once again.
1954
Actual winner: On The Waterfront
Should’ve won: Rear Window
Yeah yeah whatever. On the Waterfront is a classic etc, but it’s not as good as this year’s A Star Is Born, let alone Rear Window, which absolutely slaps.
1955
Actual winner: Marty
Should’ve won: The Ladykillers
Marty? Fuck off.
1956
Actual winner: Around the World in 80 Days
Should’ve won: Lust For Life
I like ATWI80D, as they call it, but giving it Best Picture is Greatest Show On Earth-esque fuckery. Lust For Life is truly powerful.
1957
Actual winner: The Bridge on the River Kwai
Should’ve won: The Bridge on the River Kwai
Yeah fair enough.
1958
Actual winner: Gigi
Should’ve won: Touch of Evil
The Academy was taking the piss all through the 50s. Gigi!!!! Nah. Not that there was that much to choose from, but still.
1959
Actual winner: Ben-Hur
Should’ve won: Some Like It Hot
Yeah, you heard me. Ben-Hur is a great film, but Some Like It Hot is a GREAT film. Nearly perfect and in my all-time top ten.
1960
Actual winner: The Apartment
Should’ve won: Spartacus
The year before a historical epic won when a Billy Wilder comedy should’ve. This year the reverse - Spartacus is better than Ben-Hur AND The Apartment. It was a hot field in 1960 though - Psycho and Elmer Gantry were also out that year.
1961
Actual winner: West Side Story
Should’ve won: West Side Story
Obviously, Snow White and the Three Stooges was close, but eh, West Side Story is pretty good I guess. Could also have picked Judgment at Nuremberg. but that’s a bit depressing. As is West Side Story, but with dancing.
1962
Actual winner: Lawrence of Arabia
Should’ve won: Lawrence of Arabia
The Academy seems to have wised up in the 60s.
1963
Actual winner: Tom Jones
Should’ve won: The Great Escape
Pfft, Tom Jones. Be serious, for god’s sake. The Great Escape is the one people watch a million times over. Tom Jones is the one nobody knows what it is.
1964
Actual winner: My Fair Lady
Should’ve won: Dr Strangelove
My Fair Lady is great, so is Mary Poppins, but Dr Strangelove is Dr Strangelove, and they aren’t.
1965
Actual winner: The Sound of Music
Should’ve won: The Sound of Music
The 60s continue their mostly good taste. This was a great year for really fun movies: you had this, The Great Race, Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines, Cat Ballou. And something called Doctor Zhivago which they say was ok too.
1966
Actual winner: A Man For All Seasons
Should’ve won: Batman
Have you seen Batman 1966? It’s fucken ace.
1967
Actual winner: In the Heat of the Night
Should’ve won: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?
There were loads of great movies this year: The Graduate, Bonnie and Clyde, The Dirty Dozen, You Only Live Twice, To Sir With Love, Valley of the Dolls, The Jungle Book, etc etc. But I happen to love Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner on a very deep level. Spencer Tracy so good.
1968
Actual winner: Oliver!
Should’ve won: The Odd Couple
I happen to love Oliver! I happen to love The Odd Couple more. Oliver didn’t have Jack Lemmon, you see.
1969
Actual winner: Midnight Cowboy
Should’ve won: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
The actual cowboys were better.
1970
Actual winner: Patton
Should’ve won: M*A*S*H*
The better war movie definitely lost.
1971
Actual winner: The French Connection
Should’ve won: The French Connection
Fiddler on the Roof and A Clockwork Orange were close, but French Connection had fewer flaws. RIP Gene Hackman
1972
Actual winner: The Godfather
Should’ve won: The Godfather
Just narrowly, ahead of Carry On Abroad
1973
Actual winner: The Sting
Should’ve won: The Exorcist
For game-changing effect.
1974
Actual winner: The Godfather Part II
Should’ve won: Chinatown
Both amazing films, but Chinatown is more stylish.
1975
Actual winner: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
Should’ve won: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
No disrespect, but obviously.
1976
Actual winner: Rocky
Should’ve won: All The President’s Men
Yeah. Not Taxi Driver. So there.
1977
Actual winner: Annie Hall
Should’ve won: Star Wars
This isn’t a cancel culture thing, it’s just that it’s Star Wars
1978
Actual winner: The Deer Hunter
Should’ve won: Superman
I believed a man could fly! Plus The Deer Hunter is about eight years long.
1979
Actual winner: Kramer vs Kramer
Should’ve won: Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Kramer vs Kramer horribly undedervedly beat not only Life of Brian, but The Mupper Movie, Alien, Apocalypse Now and The Jerk. This is near-50s-level misjudgment.
1980
Actual winner: Ordinary People
Should’ve won: Airplane!
More like Ordinary Movie, am I right? HAHAHAHA. But seriously, The Elephant Man, The Empire Strikes Back and Raging Bull both lost this year, and they did deserve to. But they deserved to lose to Airplane! If you grew up in Australia like me, you still think of this as Flying High, but Airplane! is a better title anyway.
1981
Actual winner: Chariots of Fire
Should’ve won: Raiders of the Lost Ark
It’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. For FUCK’S SAKE.
1982
Actual winner: Gandhi
Should’ve won: E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
It’s ET. For FUCK’S SAKE.
1983
Actual winner: Terms of Endearment
Should’ve won: Pirates of Penzance.
I like Pirates of Penzance. Shut up.
1984
Actual winner: Amadeus
Should’ve won: Ghostbusters
Amadeus better than Ghostbusters? Sure, whatever you reckon fam.
1985
Actual winner: The Color Purple
Should’ve won: Back to the Future
Think it’s racist of me to deny The Color Purple? I remind you that Back to the Future is the movie that said a black man could be mayor.
1986
Actual winner: Platoon
Should’ve won: Aliens
Soldiers fighting aliens beats soldiers fighting Vietnamese people, sorry.
1987
Actual winner: The Last Emperor
Should’ve won: The Untouchables
Basically a vote for violence.
1988
Actual winner: Rain Man
Should’ve won: A Fish Called Wanda
Who Framed Roger Rabbit could’ve won too. People like a chuckle.
1989
Actual winner: Driving Miss Daisy
Should’ve won: Batman
So far it’s 100% success rate for Batman films winning the Should’ve Oscars. Definitely a hell of a lot better than Driving Fucking Miss Daisy.
1990
Actual winner: Dance With Wolves
Should’ve won: Goodfellas
Does anyone on earth disagree with this? Even Kevin Costner, now he’s had time to think, has to feel a bit guilty for taking Goodfellas’ statuette.
1991
Actual winner: Silence of the Lambs
Should’ve won: Silence of the Lambs
The Academy regains its long-lost mojo.
1992
Actual winner: Unforgiven
Should’ve won: Unforgiven
Two in a row!
1993
Actual winner: Schindler’s List
Should’ve won: Jurassic Park
Well, it’s Spielberg either way, but when choosing between two Spielbergs, and one has neither dinosaurs nor Jeff Goldblum, it’s kind of hard to see what the voters were thinking.
1994
Actual winner: Forrest Gump
Should’ve won: Pulp Fiction
The best movie might’ve been Four Weddings and a Funeral, or The Shawshank Redemption, or Reality Bites, or The Ref, or The Paper, or The Lion King. But it was actually Pulp Fiction. What it definitely wasn’t was Forrest Gump.
1995
Actual winner: Braveheart
Should’ve won: Toy Story
Another great year: besides these two there was Babe, Apollo 13, Sense and Sensibility, GoldenEye, Seven, and…uh…Batman Forever? But Toy Story - always it’s Toy Story.
1996
Actual winner: The English Patient
Should’ve won: Fargo
Does anyone on God’s green earth have any issue with this? No they do not.
1997
Actual winner: Titanic
Should’ve won: LA Confidential
Or potentially Grosse Pointe Blank.
1998
Actual winner: Shakespeare in Love
Should’ve won: Saving Private Ryan
Let’s just move on.
1999
Actual winner: American Beauty
Should’ve won: Being John Malkovich
I know, I’m surprised I didn’t pick The Phantom Menace too. But Being John Malkovich might be, at least, the most brilliant premise for a movie ever.
2000
Actual winner: Gladiator
Should’ve won: Gladiator
It’s a great film and also the competition sucked.
2001
Actual winner: A Beautiful Mind
Should’ve won: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Every LOTR film should’ve won. Disagreements are incorrect.
2002
Actual winner: Chicago
Should’ve won: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Chicago is great. Two Towers is greater.
2003
Actual winner: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Should’ve won: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Saw that coming, right?
2004
Actual winner: Million Dollar Baby
Should’ve won: The Incredibles
The Incredibles is perfect. No notes.
2005
Actual winner: Crash
Should’ve won: Brokeback Mountain
Wouldn’t it be funny if I said Crash deserved it? But nah, as unoriginal as it is to say so, Brokeback Mountain is very good.
2006
Actual winner: The Departed
Should’ve won: The Prestige
The Departed was great but might not have won if Martin Scorsese had ever won before. Then again, the other nominees weren’t strong: the best movies aside from The Departed didn’t make the shortlist.
2007
Actual winner: No Country For Old Men
Should’ve won: Hot Fuzz
It was between No Country For Old Men and Ratatouille, and out of those two the best one was Hot Fuzz.
2008
Actual winner: Slumdog Millionaire
Should’ve won: The Dark Knight
I’m sure Slumdog Millionaire was fine, even though I’m pretty sure it’s just a really long episode of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. But The Dark Knight is phenomenal, and the third Batman movie that didn’t win the Oscar but should’ve.
2009
Actual winner: The Hurt Locker
Should’ve won: Inglourious Basterds
Tarantino again, because his war is better than Katherine Bigelow’s war, and I say that only partly out of misogyny. Inglourious Basterds is another perfect film.
2010
Actual winner: The King’s Speech
Should’ve won: Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3 made me cry slightly more than The King’s Speech did.
2011
Actual winner: The Artist
Should’ve won: The Muppets
Lot of crap floating around in 2011. But you know what was awesome? The Muppets.
2012
Actual winner: Argo
Should’ve won: The Avengers
Yeah. That’s right. Suck it.
2013
Actual winner: 12 Years a Slave
Should’ve won: Frozen
I continue my impeccable record of ignoring social issues and preferring cartoons to real life.
2014
Actual winner: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Should’ve won: Birdman (etc)
A lot of people probably think Birdman should’ve have won, but I reckon it was brilliant. Only Inside Out challenged it this year for me.
2015
Actual winner: Spotlight
Should’ve won: Mad Max: Fury Road
Spotlight is no doubt very worthy, but clearly it only won because the Academy is biased against kicking ass.
2016
Actual winner: Moonlight
Should’ve won: Deadpool
Being fucken cool and very very funny wins. Also, just mentioning that La La Land not only didn’t deserve to win, they should’ve piled up every print on the stage and burnt them.
2017
Actual winner: The Shape of Water
Should’ve won: Thor: Ragnarok
See: 2016, as well as Guillermo del Toro’s ignorance of the states of matter.
2018
Actual winner: Green Book
Should’ve won: The Favourite
Green Book lol. Almost went for Deadpool 2, but let’s be classy for a change.
2019
Actual winner: Parasite
Should’ve won: Joker
Because of toxic masculinity.
2020
Actual winner: Nomadland
Should’ve won: Promising Young Woman
Come on, nobody anywhere has any recollection of anything about Nomadland. But…fuck, I dunno, might as well be Promising Young Woman, I liked it.
2021
Actual winner: CODA
Should’ve won: Dune
CODA was about deaf people I think? I dunno, nobody saw it at all. But Dune, Dune was cool.
2022
Actual winner: Everything Everywhere All at Once
Should’ve won: The Banshees of Inisherin
EEAAO was pretty awesome, but the Banshees was seriously brilliant in its crafting.
2023
Actual winner: Oppenheimer
Should’ve won: Oppenheimer
If Poor Things hadn’t botched its ending, it would’ve been top.
2024
Actual winner: Anora
Should’ve won: The Substance
The Substance had style and…
Heavily agree.