Calling it by its name

Warning: Contains somewhat ripe language

Now, there are much, much worse things that are being done, en masse, by people around the world, every day, than taking a baby wombat from its mother, running away, and holding it up in front of a camera while it squeals in terror. We do not need to enumerate these things. The news is constantly full of them, and we are well aware that what we see on the news only scrapes the surface. There are worse things, probably, being done in your suburb, right now.

And yet, I have absolutely no problem with saying that Sam Jones, the “hunting influencer” - and it’s already a pretty major sin to even consider applying such a term to oneself - deserves every bit of the savaging she’s getting in media both legacy and social.

Because Sam Jones is, incontrovertibly, a cunt.

Being a cunt doesn’t mean you’re a murderer, or a rapist, or a war criminal or drug lord. Being a cunt just means you’re in a very elite category of people who, despite not committing acts of monstrous infamy on a regular basis, are just absolutely the worst. And other people will easily be able to feel it in their bones when they come across you. They will know you are a cunt, but if you’re lucky they’ll be too polite to tell you.

You don’t video yourself stealing a baby wombat unless you’re a cunt. You don’t dangle the terrified joey for the camera and giggle excitedly about ticking this cuntiest of items off your bucket list. In fact, unless you’re a cunt, you do not start a “hunting influencer” Instagram account in the first place¹.

In the article linked above, you can see Jones posing with a deer she killed. Killing a deer is not necessaily cunty behaviour, but posing for a photo with the corpse, unless you live before the First World War, definitely is. The impulse to pose with dead animals is one of the cuntiest impulses known to humankind.

You can also read in that article about how she killed a wild pig with a knife in New Zealand. She told the tale of how, after doing so, she cried.

“I don’t like killing. I like the hunting, I like the chase. It’s not fun to see anything die. The best you can hope for is that it dies quickly and painlessly,” she said.

Now, the funny thing here is, as far as I can tell, Sam Jones killed the pig of her own free will. She was not at the time under contract to an abbatoir. She was not defending local villagers from a terrifying man-eating pig. The pig had not swallowed a magical amulet which she needed to vanquish an evil wizard.

In fact, I looked it up, and one of the most awesome things about New Zealand is that they have a law there that you don’t have to kill pigs if you don’t want to. Pig killing is entirely optional in that noble nation. So we know that Sam Jones killed the pig because she wanted to kill a pig.

I can imagine plenty of situations in which a non-cunt might kill a pig. I can imagine no scenario in which a non-cunt kills a pig purely for her own enjoyment, and then cries and says how much she hates killing things. That’s behaviour of a cuntiness most cunts can only dream of ever reaching.

Just look at the statement of Sam Jones, above. “I don’t like killing. I like the hunting. I like the chase.” And yet she does not just chase the animals: she kills them.

“The best you can hope for is that it dies quickly and painlessly.” Well, no, the best you can hope for is that it doesn’t die. At least, that’s the best the animal can hope for. The best YOU can hope for is a few thousand likes on the picture of you grinning like a fuckwit next to its corpse.

Later in the article, it’s noted that Sam Jones once wrote a piece for the Great Falls Tribune titled, “Don’t have parents who hunt? Program can get you started”.

I mean.

WHAT a cunt.

So not only is grabbing that joey not the worst thing a person can do, it’s not even the worst thing Sam Jones has done. Not even close. But in its minor, relatively un-bloodthirsty way, it’s as clear an indication of a cunt as you’ll get. Because it’s so pointless, so meaningless, so motivated by nothing except self-promotion, and so marked by utter moral obliviousness, that it’s like stamping the word “CUNT” on your forehead. Which, with any lucky, Border Force will do before kicking her out of the country.

Fuck Sam Jones. She’s a cunt.

1. More like Cunting Influencer, am I right?